Often times when we see a snapshot of someone’s life, we see only the perfection.
In our filtered world of social media, it’s easy to think everyone else has it all together, while you are muddling through the chaos of your own life.
It’s even easier to think no one struggles with food, no one has body issues and no one struggles with eating/weight.
But if there’s anything I know for sure, it’s that you really never know.
Some of the most “perfect” looking women I’ve worked with have struggled deeply with letting go of bingeing & having a positive body image.
Size is not a reflection of what we’re feeling inside.
I was inspired to do this post because I wanted to show you that I’m also a real person who does not always have it all together.
I try to convey this on my podcast, through my social media, and my blog, but just in case you needed another reminder:
(*Each one is followed by a “Your challenge” to practice or implement this week!)
1. I JUST got rid of my “skinny” jeans and shorts a few months ago (despite not fitting into them for years).
At our last retreat, we did an exercise in throwing away a piece of clothing that made us feel bad about ourselves. Everyone asked me why I didn’t bring an item… and I realized I had been holding on to my own version of “clothes that you wish you still fit into but make you feel bad about yourself”.
It wasn’t until months later that I actually donated both my jeans and my shorts. It felt…FREEING. I held on to them for many many years, secretly thinking I’d wear them again.
*Your challenge: get rid of one item that subtly (or not so subtly) makes you feel bad about yourself!
2. Sometimes, I’m self-conscious about the amount of food I eat.
I think I spent so many years with the diet brain ruling my life that the “eating less is better” concept ingrained itself into my brain. Sometimes, I feel like I eat A LOT and doubt my own hunger/fullness.
If I eat more than my husband or more than the people I’m out to dinner with or go for seconds because I’m still hungry, I have that sneaky little thought that says, “hey this could make you gain weight!”.
But then I remind myself that my body knows best and I don’t need to listen to that old diet brain!
*Your challenge: how can you be okay (just for today) with what you’re eating?
3. Intimacy with my husband? I much prefer lights off.
I hate to admit this one… but I still think certain positions make me “look better”, the lights off makes me much more comfortable, and closing the curtains if it’s sunny out is always at the top of my mind.
Hey, we’re all a work in progress!
*Your challenge: nudge yourself outside your comfort zone either alone or with a partner. Better yet? Look in the mirror naked and say something nice to yourself…. 🙂
4. It took me 8ish years to feel “normal” around food.
I spent 13 years in the diet/binge cycle and it took me about 8-9 years to feel “normal”. That’s not to say that 8 years is everyone’s timeline; some are longer, some are shorter. The point is, this is NOT an overnight change!
(See this post for the full story about the timeline of my own healing)
*Your challenge: how can you let where you are be okay? (And not compare it to someone else’s timeline?)
5. If I eat too many “healthy” foods, I start to get rebellious.
When I feel myself starting to get crave-y, it can be because I’ve been too “good” with food. Lots of salads and roasted vegetables and chicken dishes can make feel like I just want to rebel!
So I remember to add in desserts and sweets and things that my diet brain says aren’t ‘healthy’ (like pizza, pasta, white bread, etc)
*Your challenge: take a quick look at what you’re eating…is it “too” restrictive or “healthy”? Add in something that’s outside your comfort zone!
6. When I was bingeing, I used to attempt to throw things out (leftover brownies, cupcakes I made for work, etc) and then would fish them back out of the trash.
I remember when my therapist told me that she had done this and I felt so relieved.
This was one of my BIGGEST sources of shame…I could not believe that I stooped to this level of picking something out of the trash in a mid-binge moment, so hearing about someone else who had done this made me feel like I wasn’t insane.
So while I don’t do this anymore, I wanted to put this in here to make those who do feel less ashamed and alone!
*Your challenge: if you have done this, release your shame around it. Other people have done it, too 😉
7. I sometimes still get self-conscious in my bathing suit and gym clothes.
I also don’t like to admit this one. But, I mean, we’re all only human, right?!
Depending on who I’m with (i.e. if I’m with a lot of people who society deems “ideal body”), I get a bit self-conscious.
I have come a long way with my body acceptance, and still have some room to deepen (so that my feeling of being enough is never swayed no matter who I’m with!)
*Your challenge: Read this post and remind yourself that you are acceptable NOW!
8. After all these years, I still have food rules.
What’s interesting about “rules” around food is that there are layers of them.
You might break through the “carbs are bad for you” one and allow yourself some pasta, but are still convinced white bread is off limits.
I’ve had some great convos around rules over the years (if we can lighten up about it, write down some of our rules, and actually say them aloud or to someone else, it can take some of the power away. You realize some of them are quite silly if you say them out loud!)
Over the years, I’ve released SO MANY food rules. And yet, the diet mentality was so deeply ingrained in my head, that these old tapes pop up from time to time.
Here are a few of mine that still pop into my head…
I can’t drink wine on a weeknight (wine is indulgent and can only happen on weekends)
I have to have salad with pizza (to make it “healthy”)
The only reason I can eat so many sweets is because I work out (this gets challenged when I’m on vacation and not working out!)
Wheat bread is healthy, white bread is not (I mean, is this actually true?!)
I should eat “healthy” during the week (that is one I’ve worked on for a LONG time!)
I can only have ONE Dove chocolate every night (more than one isn’t “acceptable”, even though I still do break this one!)
There you have it 🙂 I’m sure there are many more, but these were ones that were on the top of my head.
