Releasing Shame and Finding Emotional Freedom
I want to share with you how to release shame based on my own experience of overcoming feelings of guilt and shame.
You don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of shame. I hope my story helps you to release your own shame.
Written by Jenn Hand, Holistic Nutritionist, Board Certified Health Coach, NBC-HWC
One of the chapters of my own journey with shame was when I came back from a year in Ecuador 30 pounds heavier.
Upon my return, I got asked out by the same guy who had pursued me before I left. I had deeply shameful thoughts around this like: How could he like me this heavy? Didn’t he see how skinny I was before? He’s a personal trainer–why would he want to go out with me? Is this a joke?
I couldn’t believe he didn’t run away screaming after seeing me–I wanted to hide myself under a rock until I could lose my weight. Plus he was a personal trainer! He could have his pick from fit women!
He was so persistent though so I said yes. Being intimate with him was one of the biggest lessons and growth periods of my journey.
I would have rather eaten dog food than be naked in front of someone, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror in any outfit, and the thought of intimacy without alcohol terrified me.
But shame thrives when you keep it in and hide, so what did I do?
I moved through the fear anyway. I did A LOT of self-talk as the relationship progressed and my self-doubts, insecurities, and shame came up. It was a powerful lesson of healing, acceptance and love.
After all, the light of love always dispels the darkness of shame.
Shame Is a Powerful Emotion
Shame is a powerful and challenging emotion that can deeply impact our relationship with food, body image, and emotional well-being.
It can make us believe that we are inherently flawed or unworthy. It’s a heavy burden to carry, affecting how we view ourselves and interact with the world. Here are a few ways to help you release and let go!
1 – Cultivate Self-Compassion
Sometimes we experience an emotion and then judge ourselves for feeling it–this adds a layer of criticism that then tells us we “shouldn’t” feel something (even though we do!)
It’s so important to practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself with kindness and understanding–think of the way you’d talk to a best friend or sister. That’s the same way we want to treat ourselves!
2 – Challenge Those Thought Spirals
We can quickly go down a critical rabbit hole in our minds if we aren’t paying attention!
See if you can recognize and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about your body and worthiness. Replace them with affirmations of self-acceptance and gratitude for all of the amazing things your body CAN do.
3 – Grab Your Journal
Block off 10 minutes for yourself, grab your journal and explore what’s underneath the shame.
Journaling is free therapy 🙂 Getting out your emotions on paper is a great way to release, process and find clarity.
4 – Remember–Pretty Good is Perfect
This is one of my favorite mottos! Embrace the idea that nobody is perfect, and that includes our bodies.
Focus on nourishing your body with foods that make you feel satisfied and engaging in joyful movement, rather than striving for unattainable ideals in food or body.
5 – Slow Down and Breathe
Sometimes all we need is 2-4 long slow deep breaths to let go of something that no longer serves us.
See where you can incorporate meditation, deep breathing, or body scans to stay present in the moment and cultivate self-awareness without judgment.
Letting go of shame involves releasing unrealistic expectations and embracing your unique journey toward holistic well-being.
Celebrate small victories, prioritize self-care, surround yourself with supportive and positive influences, and remember that your worth is not defined by your appearance or past mistakes.
Questions about Shame:
What is the difference between shame and guilt?
They are both so intertwined, but shame is feeling inherently flawed as a person, while guilt is feeling bad about a specific behavior or action.
Why do I feel shame even when I know I shouldn’t?
Feelings are not rarely logical! This can stem from deep-seated beliefs shaped by past experiences or societal influences, limiting beliefs and emotional triggers.
How can I identify the root causes of my shame?
My favorite way is journaling! Explore why you feel the way you do and what the fear or wound is underneath the situation that’s causing you to feel upset.
How does talking about shame help in overcoming it?
Talking about shame helps by reducing its secrecy–shame thrives in silence! Sharing with trusted individuals can offer perspective, validation, and support.
How do I deal with shame in a healthy way without suppressing my feelings?
Each of us may need different kinds of support to release shame. It can help to acknowledge your feelings, practice self-compassion, release with journaling, EFT or meditation, set boundaries, and seek support.
Are there specific mindfulness exercises that can help reduce feelings of shame?
Mindfulness exercises like body scans, loving-kindness meditation, and mindful self-compassion practices can help cultivate awareness, acceptance, and resilience in reducing feelings of shame.
Related Articles:
⚪When You Want to Hide Your Body and Are Ashamed of Your Weight
⚪What If You Never Love Your Body?
⚪Afraid of People Judging Your Body in an Outfit? 4 Tips to Help
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Schedule a 20-min CallAbout the Author:
Jenn Hand has been helping women like you become normal eaters since 2015.
She’s worked with thousands of women, helping them to balance their bodies, end bingeing, stop obsessing over food, and start feeling amazing again. As a board-certified health coach and holistic nutritionist, Jenn knows how to support you in making real positive changes that last.
Her articles have been published on Mind Body Green, Tiny Buddha, Thrive Global and other local and global media platforms. She’s the author of How to Be a Normal Eater and the creator of The Normal Eater’s Club program. Listen to Jenn’s advice and tips on the Cake Doesn’t Count Podcast, or read more of her articles for free on the Food Freedom Blog.
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