We say it all the time.
I’ll be happy when I lose fifteen pounds.
…When I am in a stable, satisfying relationship.
…When I have a job I am passionate about.
…When I buy my dream house.
The words “I’ll be happy when” have become so pervasive in our society it’s almost second nature to think this way. It’s a habitually unconscious thought that we have, and as a culture, we have convinced ourselves that happiness lies sometime in the future.
But does that “sometime” ever come?
There may be a brief moment of joy when we lose the weight, find the house, or begin a new job. There’s a period of contentment, of happiness, when we excitedly relish in the goal being achieved.
Inevitably, though, life creeps up on us again. We buy the new home, but we yearn to have a bigger yard. We move to that new city, but long for friendships and community. We get assigned a more challenging role at work, but wish we didn’t have to put in 60 hour weeks. Situations change, transitions occur, and life happens, then the phrase starts all over again. “I’ll be happy when…”
How do we escape this thought cycle?
Bring awareness to your thought patterns. How many times in your life have you had these thoughts before? If it relates to weight loss, take an honest look at the times you thought you would be satisfied with yourself when you lost those last few pounds. Have you ever found fulfillment when that weight loss happens?
Yes, there may be a brief, momentary elation over finally reaching your target weight. But the truth is that it doesn’t last. Our weight inevitably fluctuates or we hit a rough patch in life and gain a few pounds. And then we cycle back to the initial thought of “well, I’ll be happy when I lose those ten pounds again”… it is a futile approach to happiness.
If we revisit our past experiences to see how often we’ve had those thoughts and how it has never brought us the happiness we desired, we can begin to bring awareness to those beliefs that do not serve us.
Realize the futility of this way of thinking. Once we bring awareness to our thought patterns, we can begin to recognize and understand the thought trap we ensnare ourselves in. Gently accepting the illusion that happiness lies somewhere in the future enables you to break free from the temptation to live your life by that belief.
Happiness is never over there. It’s always right here, in the moment you are in. As humans, we are constantly desiring more. We get a raise, and then want a more flexible schedule. We get our kitchen remodeled, and then want to redo the entire house. It’s okay to always want more; it is the nature of humans to create, expand, and desire.
The problems occur when we truly believe that our happiness lies in the future. We can have goals and desires, but we need to refrain from thinking the end result is the key to contentment.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude. So often in life, we lose focus of what we DO have by lamenting over what we DON’T have. Yes, we may want a different job, a new car, or to go on a tropical vacation. But when we bemoan all the things we don’t have in our lives, we lose sight of all our current blessings. Blessings that were once things we thought would make us happy.
Instead of complaining about wanting a career you are excited about, take a minute to reflect on what your current job brings into your life. Perhaps it pays the bills and gives you some downtime to pursue another avenue you are passionate about. Instead of desperately itching to be in a relationship, savor all the ways that being single is awesome. Maybe you’re able to plan an impromptu road trip. Or sit in your pajamas all day watching sappy lifetime movies without having to answer to anyone.
Whatever your current situation, there are blessings right in front of you. Be thankful for the things you have; it opens your eyes to the happiness that is in this moment.
It’s easy to become a habitual future thinker. But breaking free of the “I’ll be happy when” trap will allow you to live a more fulfilling, satisfying life, by fully appreciating what you have in the moment. And that’s what makes life worth living.
Have you fallen into this trap? What can you be grateful for NOW that you once thought would make you happy? Share below 🙂
